2010 year in review #2 February - Harith's show, CNY

Can't really remember much about February accept doing a show with Harith (Yes, THE Harith Iskander).

The invitation came as a shock to me (just like when I found out The Hanson's were not sisters). I can't remember how we got into the topic but I can recall vaguely that he texted me and asked me if I was free on so-and-so days. I was, but frankly, I wanted to say 'no' as my day job was really getting into my head. But I said 'yes' anyways because, well, it's Harith Iskander! Farking hard to say 'no' to Harith Iskander. It's like him saying 'no' to food!

Plus, Jenhan's doing it too so I thought it'll be quite a cool comedy-bromance thingy. But of course, as always, Jenhan earned it lah. Whereas me, apparently, Harith said I was 'part of his plans' from the start. Slightly proudening moment for me there - I was never 'part of (someone's) plans' except for April Fool's pranks.

So, I did the show (it's called This ... is it???, 3-7 February, 2010. My name wasn't in the poster) I came on the last two-three days and man, I sucked. Big time. Like Harith big! OK, make it Rosmah's hair big.

On the last night, the crowd gave Jenhan a standing ovation while I only earned a chuckle. If only I had one more week to prepare or better yet, if I was jobless, I would've gotten a clap.

That night, I remember going off to meet the likes of Patrick Teoh, Joanne Kam, Junji Delfino, Gavin Yap, Michael Veerapan (I think) and Douglas after the show at Patrick's steamboat place and telling them how I sucked. Man, I felt like shit - even shit won't wanna take my place. If there really was such a thing as reincarnation and karma, I must be Hitler in my past life. Oh well, at least I get to eat for free (thanks Patrick!)

After all that, MACC had our big makan! At some S. Korean barbeque place at Ampang (near Douglas' place mah) then we shisha-ed the night thru. Again, feeling the distance. I wish I had brought my Gameboy. Oh well, at least we got some nice pics of Jenhan's new toy - a period-stain coloured polaroid. KACHIK-ZRRRTTT-FWAPFWAPFWAPFWAP-VOILA!!!

Then, err, CNY I guess. It was a really convenient one too, right smacked on V-day! Lose money on V-day, instant cash back at open houses! This CNY was more memorable though - I remember going to Ipoh to meet the family, whom were getting louder (because the Golden Oldies are getting older). Also remember having some traditional Yee Sang - ye know, fresh vege, home-made gravy and none of that processed crap. Got to see my rascal-delic nephews and niece too.

And I think there's was this comedy gig at Laila's. Not a very conducive place for comedy and it was a forgettable night (both for the audience and comics) so I can't really remember much.

Well, that's all I guess. Thanks for not reading :)

Or reading but not commenting ;)

Apologies, the blogger is (still) too lazy to edit his werk.

2010 year in review #1 - MACC, book, downpayment

Told myself I should write something but, as always, you get stuck after your first sentence.
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Okay. Maybe I should write about my 2010. It's been a good year. Or maybe it's because my memory can be only stretch as far back as a year.

January: Kicked off the year brimming with optimism that it's going to a shitty year. A busy year. And it was. Still.

If I remember quite correctly, it's more than a year into my writer's job for Cosmetic Surgery and Beauty Magazine and it's more than two years since I started doing comedy on my own. Okay, to be fair, I was already on my own since forming The ComeBackKings. Well, at least I got more appreciation doing stand-up.

We kicked off Time Out KL in Zouk, having ditched Little Havana the previous year. I think we did good. We always did good at Zouk. Always.

And I recall getting some contacts from Time Out, requesting for our comedic services and after that, nothing. So much for building an industry.

That month, I was busy with MACC: First EGM (CNY Edition). It was the restaging of our first MACC show, the one where I bailed halfway thanks to a rather (late) nasty bout of chicken pox. I remember my boss asking me why I've never gotten it earlier and my reply was simply, "well, I've no friends." Note to self: In future, ask my children to befriend friends with chicken pox to avoid my predicament.

Frankly, I felt that a bit of me was lost when I had to those pox. Through MACC, I had the privilege to meet a lot of 'prominent figures' in the industry, most of whom have not seen my performance. So, for the CNY Edition, it felt like I was making a second impression. If it's hard to make a first impression, try making a second impression.

I remember going on stage and not knowing what to do. Those were my jokes but it wasn't me. Should manufacture jokes that will sit well with the Malaysian audience? By doing so, won't it impede individuality? If the entire industry is headed that way, won't it come to a point when every comedian's jokes sound more or less the same? Hmph.

Plus, I felt the gap between me and Douglas/Jenhan widening. Most of the time, I feel alone among them. Maybe it was because of my day job. And rocking up to the stage at 7pm was bad, bad for concentration and bad for fitting in with the two.

But good part was, well, we sold 90 percent of the tickets and with my share of the money, I used it for the downpayment of our current place.

And my bestie pulled a surprise birthday thingy for me on our last show day. The fifth proper birthday thingy of my life - too little to learn how important birthdays are to others.

Oh, and at the office, we got our bonuses too. Apparently, it was the company's first in five years. I joined the company a year before so I liked to think that it was part of my efforts. Finally, the book I helped wrote 7 stories finally saw the light of day. It was by far the most tiring thing I ever done since squirming out of my mom.

I also auditioned for KLPAC's indicinel!ve. Got called back but the second round of auditions fell on MACC show nights so ...

Apologies, the blogger is too lazy to edit his work. But at least this blogger has more words than photos and does not pout in his photos.

Two years is nothing...

I came across this by chance (and thanks to one of my most trusted connections).

I got to do a bit of dubbing for a local movie, which, in my mind, is going to be categorised under 'international film' thanks to our hypocritical, Malaysia 'systemisation' of things. The movie is called 'The DVD' (English/Malaysian).

Taking from the some shots of the movie that I had seen, I figured that the movie evolves around a teenager, who chose to make a quick buck from gangsters by selling them pornographic content. Gradually, he started degrading morally and got deeper into the gangsters' ways. Of course, things got out of hand (eventually) but I only know this much.

But what surprised me most was that the movie was shot 5 years ago. 5 bloody years. That's 3 more than The Joshua Tapes (a movie that I was heavily involved in) and, coming to think of it, the snippets of The DVD were better in certain ways - better picture quality, more exciting story line and shittier acting.

Suddenly, it all dawned on me that our local film industry really needs help. Taking five years for a movie (made for the cinema) to reach the cinema is pretty shit. Either that or our producers really need a kick in the butts for procrastinating. I think the motivation should come from the belief that movies are made for the viewers and not for a director's/producer's own fancy. With that, while the journey is in making a movie, the final destination of every director/producer should be the audiences' acceptance/reaction, be it applause or condemnation.

Maybe I should make a movie first before posting this. Hmph.

Unused material

Hmm. Since nobody reads this blog, I thought it'll be a wise junkyard for my unused jokes.

These jokes are, either, unused by people I write jokes for or unused due to timeliness.

So, for a start, here are some jokes I wrote for an emcee, who was doing the '100 millionth passenger party' for AirAsia and didn't use any of it. Here are the raw jokes, as copied and pasted from the MS Word file.


Jokes for AirAsia show 13/10/10

1. PILOTS

All the pilots say, WOO! All the co-pilots say, WOO! Now, all the auto-pilots says, WOO! What? You all invited so little auto-pilots? The one who does ALL the flying?!!

2. And if all of you are here, who is flying the planes? (by Matt Ho)

3. 100 million

Congratulations on your 100 millionth passenger. 100 million. In India, that’s nothing. A 100 million people is like my village. Or like my family. On my father’s side.

4. PROUD OF INDIANS

Very proud of you Indians in Malaysia. You Indians have taken everything. Outer space is taken by Ananda Krishna - Astro. On the ground, all the highways are taken by Samy Vellu. Right in middle, is Tony Fernandez.

5. RICHARD BRANSON

All the best to Tony Fernandez, I think Tony is going to beat Richard Branson in the betting game. And we are going to see Richard Branson in women’s clothing. But we all know there’s nothing Virgin about that.(by Jenhan)

6. LOOSE STEWARDESS

Thank you AirAsia for flying me down. I must say, your cabin is a bit tight but lucky your stewardesses a bit loose.

But the problem is, you girls charge for everything. By the time you take off the belt, we’re out of money.

INDIAN BARGAIN
As an Indian on an AirAsia, the flights are always shorter ... because I can’t stop bargaining. “10 ringgit for a plate of Nasi Lemak? Are you kidding me? With 10 ringgit, Tony Fernandez can buy 10 AirAsia companies!

8. MAS PORN

Personally, I don’t like really MAS Airlines. Especially, their uniform. Reminds me of a porn video I watched a long time ago.

9. ILLEGAL TAXI

For all of you who are drunk and cannot drive, don’t worry outside got a lot of illegal taxis waiting to take you home.

10. POEM

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you are getting lucky, there’s Tune Hotel for you!

I just tell jokes...

Today, someone said I look like the 'comedian' type. That I seem detached from the world and yet, have the uncanny ability to absorb every detail around me. I gathered the person is a bit psycho but I responded to the comments with my much-practised "really ah?"


The fact is, I've never set out to be a comedian (please read Back Story 1*). I just tell jokes. It's only when one is making a living out of telling jokes that makes one a comedian. Mine is just a hobby. A paid hobby.

The funny thing is, I received that comment just before my play rehearsal (please read Back Story 2*) and acting, however, feels right for me. It has always been. Sometimes, I like to think that I'm acting on stage, where I play a character that resembles a (supposed) funny version of me. Sadly, I always ended playing the struggling comedian role. I think it'll be ultra ironic if, one day, I play an unfunny comedian in a play. Hmm.

But by the looks of things, comedy pays well whereas acting, well, let's just say I'm a face transplant away from making it.

Back Story 1*
Back in 2003, I co-found a comedy group called The ComeBackKings and ever since, my work has been trying to churn out material for the group. I only started walking the path on my own in 2008, at the call of a few friends, to do stand-up comedy. Well, my stand-up comedy debut wasn't really a stand-up performance for me as I've always seen it as a "light hearted monologue".

It went (sorda) well that night and it felt good, so I started doing more. But then, I got carried away by the comedy wave and before I knew it, I was in YCOM, doing Time Out KL Comedy Thursday, performed for Comedy Club KL, opened for Harith and the MACC (the less funny one). So comedy, for me, feels more like work and not as enjoyable as acting.

Back Story 2*
I'm doing Short and Sweet, Week 1.

Life's like this ...

I'm resigned to believe that I'll never find the time to update this blog since getting this/these new job(s) but heck! I might as well put some info up while I'm here.

I now work as a full-time freelancer (yes, that is my OFFICIAL title according to my latest contract) for FHM, where I'm in full charge of the Upgrade section, FourFourTwo magazine, where I mostly do sub-editing, editing and occasionally, some writing.

On the side, I'm promoting two shows: my latest comedy show, alongside Douglas Lim and Kuah Jenhan, called MACC: Internal Affairs and my first full-length feature movie as part of the main cast. The former opens from 24th to 28th August while the latter, will hit cinemas from 30th September in GSC Pavilion, GSC Mid Valley and GSC One Utama (New Wing).

Exciting? Well, all I can see is the amount of work ahead of me. In between, I have other comedy shows (and comedians) to think about, 4 more contracted guerilla-comedy shows I must honour, and figure out how to get more money to fuel the renovation of my new house. Yes, a NEW house.

Will be moving in soon with my wifey soon but only after the dust from the renovations had settled. The estimation of the renovations add up to about RM30, 000 so do expect some red paint graffiti on my front door.

And to top it all up, I'm actually writing this because it need to vent, before I attempt to write an article about Liverpool's past glories. Nice.

Another day, another earthquake ...

Fortunately, this is the only earthquake I've ever experienced. "touch wood"

Earlier today, a 5.2 magnitude earthquake hit the southern part of Australia. In China, the government announced a national day of morning for the 2000-odd that lost their lives when a quake flattened the county of Yushu just a few days ago. The papers capitalised on the news, as always. But this year, there seems to be a new earthquake almost every other day.

Are we experiencing more earthquakes than usual? According to Wikipedia, "There are around 500,000 earthquakes each year. 100,000 of these can actually be felt." - Felt but not reported. If there are so many earthquakes, which one gets reported? If there are so many earthquakes, why can't there be 5 new news on earthquakes in one day? So why does it seem like there's more earthquakes than usual, especially this year?

My theory is, the world media is riding on our growing-anxiety about what's going to happen in 2012 (You know, the whole 'end of the world' crap). Why? Coz these stories sell papers. I think.

Medan Selera (Arena of Appetite?)

Not the best lontong in the Medan Selera but reaping the benefits as the better one was closed.

3 TIMES, I TELL YOU, 3 BLARDY TIMES!

3 times I tried flicking this baby roach away and it comes scurrying back towards my plate of lontong. It is MY lontong and I will defend it like MY Transformers collection! (OK, I only have one Transformers but it's a start.)

As a wind up my finger for my next flick, I saw a bunch of uniformed men from the Municipal Council making their way in. As they scanned around the Medan Selera, I scanned each of their faces and like everyday other Malaysian, I had this innate feeling that some poor warung might be closed down. I can even imaging some poor makcik wailing and emptying her nose into her tudung.

Instead the men sat down next to my table and started ordering food. Then it hit me, of course they're not going to close down any of the warungs in Medan Selera @ Section 14 market. Not because all the warungs are owned by Malays, it's simply because, well ... if they close these roach infested warungs, where else would these uniformed men and their colleagues eat? Also explains why more pricey makan places like Murni and Paandi's get closed down or get away with a warning (respectively).

As I slurped down the sip of kuah lontong, I spotted the little baby roach again. This time, under one of the uniformed men's thumb. Squished. Into kuah lontong.

Well, at least these men were doing their job.

It been awhile...

Since my last entry, I've been thinking about what to do with this blog.

Should I carry on.

Should I not?

Facebook and Twitter are becoming favourable domains of short-blogs.

Blogs can make you money.

Blogs have unlimited character spaces.

... and that's good enough for me =)