Towels

Strange thought. Ever pondered how remarkable towels are?

A towel can be used to 'usher in' life, as sheets to cover babies right after birth.

It also can be used to 'take away' life, as a weapon to gag or to suffocate a victim or victims.

A towel can be used to wipe away imperfections to help one accentuate external beauty.

It also can be used to hide one's imperfections.

A towel can soak up the sweat of one who works hard.

Or one can 'throw in the towel', to signify a premature end to one's hard work.

He ain't heavy (but) he's my bother...

If I had to choose, I rather be the only child. But I hope my brother is not thinking the same...

I can only pick out the positives if the family accident didn't happen (my brother).

1) My parents would love me more (because they have no choice)
2) I would still have my Transformers toys and Lego sets in one piece (when you're an elder brother in a Chinese family, there are no personal belongings. Even PCs in an oxymoron)
3) I would've gotten more money from ang pows (oh, before the accident, I was the youngest in family)
4) I don't have to chauffeur, be his personal alarm clock or his mobile ATM

But then again, my brother is a very fun guy. Because he does many things that I can post on the Internet. For instance, my brother is staunch believe in clocking 8 hours of sleep a day. So, whenever time permits, he sleeps, regardless where, how, when or with who. Once, he slept at the backseat, next to my aunty-cousin Kym, who was convinced he was induced with sleeping pills.

Why? Well, here is a visual tour of my brother's siesta fiesta...

Oh well, having siblings is not all bad la I guess...

Signalling a comeback...

It's been awhile and just like a Manchester United's game against Tottenham over the weekend, any time is a good time for a comeback.

Many things have happened since my absence from the blog - got a job, did more stand-up shows, lost much of my life/spirit, had dengue (again), overnight-ed for the first time in a hospital, etc. But I guess, nothing drains one as much as their job(s).

In my case, it definitely robbed me of my writing mojo (if I ever had). Well, the thing is, I am writer now and well, I write for a very unconventional magazine - Cosmetic Surgery and Beauty magazine

Yea. So with no prior experience in writing (well, if writing comedy scripts count) this is rather 180 degree turnaround. And as the name of magazine says it, having to weave medical babble with some flair in literature sucked whatever creativity I had in me. Hence, I took a sabbatical from blogging with hopes of discovering what I have lost (if any).

On the bright side, I can safely say I moonlight as a (struggling) comedian now. Although I feel that not many approves me as a comedian, I have people like Saiful Apek and Mawi on my side, whom, in spite of their abilities, they're highly regarded. And frankly, its not because they're good at what they do but they have a following.

So I thought, maybe, its a good idea to create a following. Which is why I always translate this into whatever I do to promote YCOM (Young Comedians of Malaysia). And for those who don't know YCOM, well, fundamentally briefly, YCOM is a union/an association/a loose collaboration/a bunch of (in-bitching-rumour-spreading) friends that offer guidance, help, contacts and effort budding local comedians and to build a viable comedy scene in Malaysia.

Due to the various topics our comics touch on, whether its condescending or clean, its always a challenge in Malaysia as, we feel, the audience prefer physical comedy (although I do perform this within the frame of my bed) and they want their comedy, as fellow comedian Faisal said, spoon-fed to them. Popular comedy here in Malaysia is, well, not so popular as many would think. So, how the fuck do we get a viable crowd that adheres the brand of comedy YCOM brings? Well, that's why we need to start a following.

With that aside, I'll just quickly dive into my recent dengue daze. Its the second time I scored a positive for dengue. Which tells me two things; aedes mozzies like me and god hates me (so, here's to you god *shows the finger*). But damn, it took awhile for the dengue disease to unveal itself.

For two whole weeks, I was left figuring out what's wrong with me - on & off high-fever (dengue symptom), no joint pains (not a dengue symptom), full-body rash (dengue symptom but not a dengue rash), dizziness (dengue symptom and also, when you're partially drunk), dwindling platelet count (DEFINITELY dengue!), etc. So, two whole weeks of this shit, two visits to various doctors (both hoping I have joint pains so that they can stick me in the hospital).

Then, on a Sunday afternoon, whilst watching Australian Football, the symptom I've been waiting for broke out... full body rash! So I am off to the hospital, tried to stay alive for around 4 hours before they finally tossed me on a sick bed. From then till Wednesday night, they tested my blood every damn morning. My platelet count in sequence read; Sunday - 113, Monday - 101, Tuesday - 100, Wednesday - 137! So, after enduring 3 sleepless nights, over 6 litres of IV fluid, countless tablets, myriad ugly nurses, I'm off from the hospital.

But (note to self), do not have physical sports within 3-days from getting your blood count normalize coz' DAMN!

So well, I'm back and hope I can this up ... the blog, I mean.

YOGAGAGA!!!

As a part-time comedian, I can't but laugh after reading Sunday's news headline - YOGA BAN. Although the ban was quite expected since other 'thoughtful' fatwas were passed previously, I find this one slightly overboard. Overboard not because yoga, to me, is quite an innocent practice but it puts a huge question mark on how the religion of Islam is deemed by the clergies in Malaysia.

As one of my friends have pointed out, here in Malaysia we practice a commercialized version of yoga that, to an extent, distance itself from the whole chanting of Hindu mantras "with the aim of being one with God". Honestly, I didn't even know yoga has anything to do with Hinduism (and I bet many who practice it don't know it either or just don't give a shit) but thanks to our 'thoughtful' clergies, now I know.

I won't spill the beans, unlike our fellow fatwans, the fact that, for many years, our Malay Muslim friends have been enjoying a local delicacy called tapai, which is lovely blend rice and the natural-alcohol-producing process called fermentation. On this, allow me to quote from the today's paper - "one part of yoga would lead to another" (The Star) and DANG!, one tea spoon of tapai can lead to a generation of drunken Muslims? Gimme a break!

The article also pointed out that "practising yoga even as a form of exercise as it would ultimately lead to worshipping and chanting, which is against Islam. In Islam, a believer must not do things that can erode one's aqidah or faith." Hmmm. I may not be of any religion but I really do think that, as a believer of Islam, a Muslim should strengthen his or her beliefs from within himself or herself to vindicate themselves against, not only other religious practices and elements, but also against pessimism that a small element of another religion can actually affect a religion of Islam's stature. Whose aqidah eroded I wonder...

Plus, if the practice of yoga does allow its practioners to be 'one with God', a Muslim need not worry since there is only one God so its all one and the same one mah! Choi!

Before I make anymore Muslim enemies, I just like to issue a warning to the pole dancers, tap dancers, shufflers and swingers out there to be wary of the probability of getting haramed!

Road to being almost famous...

~Maybe its the way I look~ That's what I always think or blame whenever I count my chances of being popular, famous or rather, just being recognized for what I do.

Its crap how most people, namely the double X's, judge others so quickly on face value. In my case, most people seem to perceive, almost naturally, that I am just a wannabe, not talented, underachieving, a tag-along, incapable and what not. Chicks don't dig me (not like I care la) and guys don't take me seriously. A Mr. Nobody.

These are the advantages that I can manipulate through my activities of interest - such as acting, performing, writing and so on, to raise a few eyebrows along the way and eliminating doubts of who/what I actually am or can be.

Take for instance, my debut stand-up skit. With my rather Thai/Cambo/Bugis look, I doubt people would actually take my comedy seriously. So, I developed a character that suits my looks and ultimately, allow people to project their stereotypes towards the character - a Chinaman. I didn't exactly pull the Chinaman role well but I'm doing whatever it takes to make jokes work. Especially if the jokes are from me.



Other than stand-up, there is a particular career that I've always wanted to venture in - acting. Yep. But chances are, this face will not land me a major role unless someone is planning a remake of The Elephant Man or another Trekkie flick on Klingons (pronounced cling-on, explains the way they are as well). Nevertheless, being a Chinese growing up in Malaysia means that I'm diffusely exposed to TVB dramas some point in my life and through the dramas, I find hope in pursuing an acting career here. In TVB dramas, there are the main actors, followed by the supporting actors and the KLFs (keh-leh-feh aka extras).

And just like that same old lady, who played the perpetually crying maid in a post-WWII genre drama, the good hearted citizen in another medieval China drama and the sneaky-mahjong-playing-rumour-spreading aunty in another contemporary drama, one can make a living out of just being a KLF! I hope the industry is like that back here in Malaysia cause I held rather small but significant (Ahem!) role in Kerana Karina 3! I play Marvin, a sound engineer, whose moralistic ideals determine the fate of the main character and ultimately, the flow of the series itself! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Click here, watch the video and try to spot me around minute 2:50. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Fame, here I come!

To sell a gun...

After watching Iron Man for like 8 times the past few months, the movie got me thinking: HOW DOES ONE ADVERTISE FIREARMS?

OK, I might think and sound like a nerd some times, but frankly, most of the time I'm a geek. Moving on swiftly, the basis of the question came out of watching movies like 'Thank You for Smoking' and 'Lord of War', which underline one issue: HOW DOES ONE SELL GOODS THAT PROMOTE DEATH?

In the TYfS, despite stringent regulations limiting cigarette ads on all media plains, the MODs (Merchant Of Death) are able to negotiate tie-ins with prominent people from various industries and at the end of the day, an inherent message that tells us to smoke is out somewhere, waiting to lure the weak and the healthy. As for LoW, Cage's character depended on revenue from his underground connections, who seem to know so much about guns without the means of attaining information about one. Hmmm.

Then, the Iron Man movie brought up an issue co-relating wars and advertising for firearms. In the scene where Tony Stark presented a new missile 'that you only have to fire once' before launching it at a nearby mountain range, reducing it to a pile dust (without first considering any inhabitants within the proximity. Very American.) , a neurotransmitter in one of my lobes sparked and a question popped up - How does one advertise firearms?

Well, WAR of course!

For instance, the recent Iraq bombardment: news reporters stationed at the outskirts of Baghdad, waiting to capture the impending US attack without a hint of fear who being killed. Why? Maybe its a well planned marketing strategy or guerilla advertising or what not. The spectacle of Baghdad's destruction and the sheer firepower, accuracy and might of the US Army's latest firearms in every news headline around the world seemed too good an advertising and PR initiative for a country that controls 69% of firearms production in the world.

Unfortunately, things turned for the worst in Iraq, dismantling Iraq's status quo under Saddam and the capture of the alleged tyrant wasn't enough bring about peace, as the US assumed. Yet, the apparent war in Iraq dragged on, taking more lives than any tyrant or leader that has ever graced the land formerly known as Babylon. Oh, I forgot, what was the US mission again? Was it to find weapons of mass destruction, to assasinate a tyrant or to find oil? If its not accomplished, did it fail? No wait, I can't say that yet since the US Army is still fighting there even if they have no direction and purpose. OK, then what is the mission NOW?

Previous US war campaigns weren't spelt out in full either. After WWII, firearm production companies were left in a lurch; left-over guns, bombs and bullets piled in heaps waiting to rust. So, the government, unable to re-pay the companies, financed wars instead to establish the US as the 'world's peacekeeper', 'force of democracy' and what not to encourage others to fight for the same cause, thus, creating new customers. Just name me a post-WWII US president without a war in his CV or anything close to a war lah.

The ad campaign theory also explains the reason behind the post-WWII wars and proxy-wars

1) 50's Korean War (wtf for again?)

2) 60's Bay of Pigs (almost a) War (The Cuban Missile Crisis - didn't pull a trigger but sight of US Destroyers parked at the porch of Cuba is a good ad!)

3) 70's Vietnam War (other than the Vietnamese tactics, pre-war research and survey probably lost the war of the US but hey, new product - Napalm bomb!

4) 80's US providing firearms mercenaries in South America

5) 90's The Gulf War (re-use of WWII left-overs and 40 tanks trundling across the desert and kicking-up dust is a cool ad!)

6) 00's War on Terrorism (OK. This is the confusing one since US have surpassed the killings of their alledged terrorists. Right now, the terrorists are just killing to live up to their name.)

7) 06's Lebonese War (Its just a soft way to take out Hezbollah's strong hold that is Lebanon. Everyday kidnappings and hostage situations happen in that part of Middle-East but flattening a country for just two kidnapped Israeli soldiers is a really bad excuse)

Right... now where was I? Dang, I lost my plot. Oh well, I've typed this much already anyway...

Anwar's triumph: Is democracy fair?

With a majority of 15K odd votes, the people of Permatang Pauh welcomed back their favourite son - Anwar Ibrahim. But with the man's name on everyone's lips, both locally and globally, did democracy run its course in this famous win?

Democracy; born out of a Western systemization of human policing and governing, is deemed to be fair to all. If that is so, what would the 'losers' get?

And because the fairness in democracy is achieve through the sum of ballots, would secondary elements like fame and stardom influence its outcome. Anwar Ibrahim is a star in Malaysian politics. Care to spell out the other 2 flers eyeing for the same seat? You can't? So on the ballet, whose name would you rather place a cross next to? Well, there you go; Anwar 1-0 unknowns.

Well, since he is always in and out of the limelight, and we know him by his first name, and voting is basically a cross on a piece of paper, might as well give him a chance, right? What is there to lose, we've been cheated for the past 50 years!

A gifted and an irate speaker, Anwar's forte is definitely constructing sentences that not only make sense to the lowest common denominator, but also make their heads nod in acknowledgement. Many past leaders bare such traits and won their respective elections hands down, Hitler included. With his expertise in sense-making, complex political subjects become simple and easy to understand like the petrol issue. Is Anwar going to turn Penang into a national guinea pig by lowering the fuel prices in the island? Can he do that? Why not? In his speech, its really that simple. Why? Is it complicated now?

By right, I should be congratulating the man, and I will. I congratulate him in his mastery in pop-politics. With all his appearance and mentions in a worldly stage during as well as after the 1998 incident, he knew with such prominence and popularity, votes will swing his way like gravity. No longer are social figures judged by his or her social efforts and the outcomes of these efforts. What has he done to prove himself? Where is his political footprint? Is he really, like really really that good? If Che Det didn't accused him or lock him up for his past doings, who is Anwar Ibrahim today? With his past still unproven, the man has served time and now, the people think he is ready to serve. Well, I guess the man has waited for his chance to arrive and it did. Play it small but frequent like Suu-Kyi, patiently enduring like Gandhi, and pounce on the right opportunity like every man would.

Time will tell and time will prove. Time... is in Anwar Ibrahim's hand.

A note of thank you...

This is a thank you note to Malaysia's most well known serviceman, who took the guise of Sultan Alauddin, braved through the hordes of pitiful and perspiring commuters, waited forcefully but patiently like the people around, boarded several packed trams and created a spectacle of concern for all to see.

Yes, for once, several police escorts were assigned to more crucial duties and our congested roads saw one less VIP convoy worming and blaring through traffic. The coverage by the media on this 'surprise' lawatan sambil belajar by our fellow serviceman seemed somewhat rehearsed, though.

Then again, the plight of our fellow Malaysians was seen through the eyes of one who has power to set things in progressive motion, and not by any of his minions. For almost a decade, our local commuters have waited and hoped for such a day to arrive - so that their daily tangle with unruly public transport users, filthy tram benches, ear-shattering screeches, bacteria-ridden railings and handles can be shared by one who seemed vindicated from the sufferings of common Malaysians.

With his well planned public appearance, millions of Malaysian will harbour the thought that something IS being done, overlooking tangible results. However, since we've waited many years for such a day to arrive, we might as well wait a few more years before such results can be enjoyed. And hopefully, these results will materialize within the reign of our fellow serviceman. Pray that his days won't stretch longer than his predecessor's.

Where have all the good food gone?

He he, the title is slightly inspired by that famous Paula "hairy armpits at the Grammy's" Cole song. But the case in question remains - Blardy hiaoo, wear ken I faing good food! (Chinese accent intended)

Plus, must be cheap lah. The past 2 days, I had to live through the torment of paying above RM7 for a bowl of bland kuey teow soup each day.

The first day, pouncing upon the opportunity to have dinner with my parents (thus, getting them to pay as well), my partner-in-crime brother and I managed to convince them to try out newly opened Pappa Rich restaurant at Dataran 3 Dua (the place that is not the old Jaya Supermarket, Jaya 33 or Jaya One).

Unlike a pair of slippers, they succeeded in living up to its name - Fuct man, rm7.60 for a bowl of kuey teow soup! Actually it should be soup kuey teow because the kuey teow is in the soup, not just a bowl of soup. But then again, if I can argue that way, Chinese New Year should be New Chinese Year right?... Anywayyyy. Not only that, we found bits of 'something' floating about in our ais kosong. We lodged a complaint and the waiter changed our ais kosongs when they should be changing they filter system instead.

Pappa Rich's definition of a bowl of kuey teow:

- a jumble/grab/pull of Chinese yellow noodles
(not the better kind - its the one that sticks together if its not properly cooked and has a tinged of boric acid aftertaste. )

- 2 above average size fish paste cakes
(I don't know why the Chinese still call it fish paste cake but really, its a lot of flour with something fishy)

- 2 foo chuks
(Its bean curd skin lah. Normally when you over boil soya milk, that emulsion formed on top is carefully separated out and dried to get foo chuk so c'mon, its not the most expensive thing on the planet! Chee cheong fun hawkers rob us 60 sens for each slab of these but Pappa 'Rich' offers only a quarter of the size!)

- some tauge
(these things grow out of the singlet I forgot to put into wash last week lah!)

- soup
(this was not bad actually. The taste brought back memories of Gopeng, my parents' kampung, and how much I miss a good bowl of kuey teow soup.)

AARGHGH! I'm tired of writing already! Still haven't get past this 1st bowl! Part 2 coming up but don't know when... (why worry when no one is reading. hehehe.)

First entry!

HELLO AND WELCOME!

Thanks to boredom and a severely sore throat, I have brought upon myself yet another commitment - THIS BLOG!

Well, not to sure of what to include or specify in this blog other than it being an avenue to pe... I mean... err... type out my thoughts? Type_out_my_thoughts? Can I still use 'pen my thoughts' without actually using a pen? Why can't idioms update itself? Why can't language be constantly evolving to fit the trends of our time? What's wrong with creating new languages? Isn't language just a construction! Why can't I stop questioning!

So yeah... err, this is just an avenue to err... to pen my thought through typing... no wait. To... type the thoughts I pen?

ARGH!

I think type out my thoughts is better lah. Yeah, its better.

Although sometimes I will copy and paste from my previous blog.